Pathological Alienation:
Warning Signs of Behaviour Exhibited by Child, Alienating Parent and Rejected Parent, which is reproduced below.
Child Behaviours:
➢ View of parents one-sided, all good or all bad; idealizes one parent and devalues the other
➢ Vicious vilification of target parent; campaign of hatred
➢ Trivial, false and irrational reasons to justify hatred
➢ Reactions and perceptions unjustified or disproportionate to parent’s behaviours
➢ Talks openly to anyone about rejected parent’s perceived shortcomings
➢ Extends hatred to extended family and pets (hatred by association)
➢ No guilt or ambivalence regarding malicious treatment, hatred, etc.
➢ A stronger, but not necessarily healthy, psychological bond with alienating parent than with rejected parent
➢ Anger at rejected parent for abandonment; blames him/her for divorce
➢ Speed is brittle, a litany; obsessed; has an artificial quality; affect does not match words; no conviction; unchildlike, uses adult language; has a rehearsed quality
➢ Stories are repetitive and lacking in detail and depth
➢ Mimics what siblings report rather than own experience
➢ Denial of hope for reconciliation; no acknowledgement of desire for reconciliation
➢ Expresses worry for preferred parent, desire to care for that parent; or, defensive denial that child is indeed worried about parent
Alienating Parent Behaviours:
➢ Allows and insists that child makes decisions about contact
➢ Rarely talks about the other parent; uninterested in child’s time with other parent after contact; gives a cold shoulder, silent treatment, or is moody after child’s return from visit.
➢ No photos of target parent; removes reminders of the other parent
➢ Refusal to hear positive comments about rejected parent; quick to discount good times as trivial and unimportant
➢ No encouragement of calls to other parent between visits; rationalizes that child does not ask
➢ Tells child fun things that were missed during visit with other parent
➢ Indulges child with material possessions and privileges
➢ Sets few limits or is rigid about routines, rules and expectations
➢ Refuses to speak directly to parent; refuses to be in same room or close proximity; does not let target parent come to door to pick up child
➢ No concern for missed visits with other parent
➢ Makes statements and then denies what was said
➢ Body language and nonverbal communication reveals lack of interest, disdain and disapproval
➢ Engages in inquisition of child after visits
➢ Rejected parent is discouraged or refused permission to attend school events and activities
➢ Telephone messages, gifts and mail from other parent to child are destroyed, ignored or passed on to the child with disdain
➢ Distorts any comments of child that might justify accusations
➢ Doesn’t believe that child has any need for relationship with other parent
➢ When child calls and is quiet or non-communicative, parent wrongly assumes pressure from target parent, or that child is not comfortable with target parent; evidence of bad parenting; does not appreciate that child is uncomfortable talking to alienating parent about target parent
➢ Portrays other parent as dangerous, may inconsistently act fearful of other parent in front of child
➢ Exaggerates negative attributes of other parent, and omits anything positive
➢ Delusional false statements repeated to child; distorts history and other parent’s participation in the child’s life; claims other parent has totally changed since separation
➢ Projection of own thoughts, feelings and behaviours onto the other parent
➢ Does not correct child’s rude, defiant and/or omnipotent behaviour directed towards the other parent, but would never permit child to do this with others
➢ Convinced of harm, when there is no evidence
➢ False or fabricated allegations of sexual, physical and/or emotional abuse
➢ Denigrates and exaggerates flaws of rejected parent to child
➢ Says other parent left “us”, divorced “us” and doesn’t love “us”
➢ Over-involves child in adult matters and litigation
➢ Child required to keep secrets and spy or report back on other parent
➢ Child required to be messenger
➢ Overt and covert threats to withdraw love and affection from child unless other parent is rejected
➢ Extreme lack of courtesy to rejected parent
➢ Relocation for minor reasons and with little concern for effects on child
Rejected Parent Behaviours:
➢ Harsh, rigid and punitive parenting style
➢ Outrage at child’s challenge to his/her authority
➢ Passivity or withdrawal in face of conflict
➢ Immature, self-centred in relation to child
➢ Loses temper, angry, demanding, intimidating character traits, but not to level of abuse
➢ Counter-rejecting behaviour
➢ Lacks empathic connection to child
➢ Inept and unempathic pursuit of child, pushes calls and letters, unannounced or embarrassing visits
➢ Challenges child’s beliefs and/or attitudes and tries to convince them otherwise
➢ Dismissive of child’s feelings and negative attitudes
➢ Induces guilt
➢ May use force to reassert parent position
➢ Vents rage, blames alienating parent for brainwashing child and takes no responsibility