Alienated and the Holidays

An ongoing series on parental alienation authored by an anonymous CAFE volunteer

Many of the alienated parents I have been corresponding with were dreading the Holiday season as early as September. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not the Holiday season still holds significance. It’s a season to reflect, slow down and prepare for the upcoming year.

Millions will be rushing to the malls to pick that perfect gift. Parents will try their utmost best to create that magical Christmas moment. Christmas wish lists will consist of the latest video game, dolls or electronic gadgets. Most of all, families will be creating memorable moments to cherish for years to come.

Sadly, the only wish the alienated parent has is to hold his children. Yet another of life’s special moments will be lost and another opportunity to show their children how much they matter. The alienated parent will not be around on Christmas morning. There will be no pictures of him in front of the Christmas tree holding his children. He will not be seated front row at the Holiday pageant.

The custodial parent will surround the children during the Holiday season with their own family. Thus, causing the child to forget or not think about their alienated parent.

Alienated parents resort to sending their children gifts by courier or through someone else. Many fathers have spoken of how the children don’t ever end up receiving the gifts or worse, have even had them returned.

In some tragic situations the child might actually reach out to the alienated parent during the Holidays but only for the purposes of obtaining a gift. For some alienated parents the motivation for the child’s call can be heartbreaking. But they accept it as “contact”.

As I have mentioned before the alienated parent is not only alienated from his children but often his own family and friends as well. Moreover, others will be busy with their celebrations. If the alienated parent has no one around, he will likely wake up alone on Christmas morning and think of his children and nothing else. Therefore, it will be a lonely time.